i am hanging on to every word even if it seems i'm not. it is a struggle, i confess, not to withdraw and find myself enthralled by the walls crawling around me or focus on the pattern in nothing on the ground. there it is blurry and safe and near sleep. i feel myself slip away a little and i remind myself to stay for something very worth while and more wonderful than that strange monster shape i can draw out of the walls.
in matthew life is sweet and colourful and feels like the life i should have been living.