piled around my feet
in waste
thigh high in
my choose my own adventure
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
losing.the.plot
is easy
if i don't pay too much
attention to you.r hands around
my neck,
the way i always wanted.
jade and i fought the way i always have and we never did while we were together and i couldnt help but think, there's your passion kerith. as i was vomiting on her bed in to my hair extensions from being strangled and trying to work out why the hell i punched her in the middle of a club and why i went to her house and why i kissed her as she let me in and why i do this to people poison their minds with violence and til death we part.
is easy
if i don't pay too much
attention to you.r hands around
my neck,
the way i always wanted.
jade and i fought the way i always have and we never did while we were together and i couldnt help but think, there's your passion kerith. as i was vomiting on her bed in to my hair extensions from being strangled and trying to work out why the hell i punched her in the middle of a club and why i went to her house and why i kissed her as she let me in and why i do this to people poison their minds with violence and til death we part.
Friday, August 08, 2008
how the hell? pan left...
what have you done with your life in five years? i used to measure my life in events that i could map and measure the change through now everything's vague and blurred together with common threads and time is confusing and i feel like i have forgotten a lot of my life. and i feel like there are some things that wont let me forget who i am. what have i done?
drugs, sex, lovelust, betrayal, drugs, sex, betrayal, love, obsession, abuse, isolation, violence, drugs, betrayal, love, isolation, drugs, sex, assault, betrayal, violence, drugs, love, clean, assault, betrayal, sex, lust, and after yesterday-drugs.
but i was getting myself back together. i was pretty sure. a wonderful girfriend, STABLE, caring, perfect, a great house, family, acting, theatre, friends. had it been a few weeks ago i wouldve been so proud to say who i was and where i have been. as it was, i showed up cracked off my head.
more or less eight months with out that feeling, eight months of clarity and the only way i felt that i could face the grown up world was by facing it through smoke. and now i have nothing. i have to start again. i have accomplished NOTHING and all i wanna do is have another fucking pipe and i just might and i just might screw the big grown up plan where I get better and get over this disease/obsession/love/hate that divides me and scares me.
and here i am again. the same place i was last year. aching for it. with one foul swoop i am back in this place.
drugs, sex, lovelust, betrayal, drugs, sex, betrayal, love, obsession, abuse, isolation, violence, drugs, betrayal, love, isolation, drugs, sex, assault, betrayal, violence, drugs, love, clean, assault, betrayal, sex, lust, and after yesterday-drugs.
but i was getting myself back together. i was pretty sure. a wonderful girfriend, STABLE, caring, perfect, a great house, family, acting, theatre, friends. had it been a few weeks ago i wouldve been so proud to say who i was and where i have been. as it was, i showed up cracked off my head.
more or less eight months with out that feeling, eight months of clarity and the only way i felt that i could face the grown up world was by facing it through smoke. and now i have nothing. i have to start again. i have accomplished NOTHING and all i wanna do is have another fucking pipe and i just might and i just might screw the big grown up plan where I get better and get over this disease/obsession/love/hate that divides me and scares me.
and here i am again. the same place i was last year. aching for it. with one foul swoop i am back in this place.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)