i told you we would marry next september which would be nice if the sun was out and the bees didnt sting and die and rot and lie and i need you to know i think i could love you properly if i understood myself. you jade are perfect and so far away from me.

i want to love you in that crazy way i knew i could if it didnt make me want to throw up and drown in my silence because i dont know how to connect any more only run away and i cant rely on myself any more than you can.

i cant take much more failure.
i cant take your kisses if i dont return them properly.
but i want to.

i want to.