i want my cat to stop malting everywhere. i want a job that pays well-though any job right now would be nice. i want to be motivated enough to just get one. i want my hair to fall the way it does when my hairdresser does it. i want to write a poem maya angelou would be proud of. i want to be able to dance with out caring what anyone thinks. i want to dance. i want to act and not have to wonder if thats really what i want. i want her to see me the way i see her. i want to be genderless. i want to be without sexuality or any thought of sexuality. im a mel-esbian. i want to be thin. thinner. i want to not care any more about my weight. i want to understand why in the past couple of weeks ive cared so much. i want to stop waiting for something to make me happy, and just be happy. i want to bleed all over the silly ethnic carpets my mother payed thousands for. over the wooden floorboards. i want to stop blaming things on my cunt and realise its probably just me. im the cunt. i want to remember my mistakes clearly and not make excuses. i want to be forgiven. i want to disapear. i want to be noticed. i want the woman i love to want to live. i want to be loved, or left alone or something. i want to understand the difference between want and need and i want to get rid of the way my lips curl upwards to the left when then, i dont want anything any more.