i think the most frightening thing about this whole situation is myself- i know that i know that's why i make predictable mistakes stumble out of control something obvious, but apparently i am quite entertaining like this, even if that's all.

but i love him i love him and i want him home.

i wrote to him when he gets out we will have a perfectly us love story to tell (i wish i didn't have to tell it)

i am predictable product//imitating photographs of who i used to be.
i am angry.
i may do many things i will regret//i choose not to regret not today i just want to feel something else.

i hate him for leaving me for making mistakes before he even had a chance to know me.

this story is different- half a year later or so, back to a different beat.
ive forgotten how to blog.

ive been writing letters every day which is different to any type of writing i know and i don't think i quite do it right because i just talk to him like i would and i tick tick tick and stutter and run off on bizarre tangents and interrupt myself and sometimes it is pretty and sad like i sometimes i am and sometimes its the day, always it is me. i never have to know how he felt when he got a letter from me. but i know they are read.

ill try again maybe with this blog-business
it feels strange like
i hope im not straining for something to say, but it feels familiar too. like an old friend.